


Love is a Ghost

by anniesardors



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Angst, Dating, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:21:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29048346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anniesardors/pseuds/anniesardors
Summary: Post 8x04 one-shot: Hailey finally confides in Jay about what happened at the hospital (Spoilers for 8x04)
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton, Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton
Comments: 12
Kudos: 155





	Love is a Ghost

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all. Last night's episode. I am still not okay. And that is exactly why not even 24 hours later I have a fic written because Jay and Hailey are overtaking my ability to think
> 
> The title of this fic is from "The Words" by Christina Perri. It's honestly a beautiful song and it fits so well with Upstead. Give it a listen!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

The soft lull of the TV fills the room, but Jay is not paying attention to whatever is on the screen. He is more focused on interlocking his fingers with those of his partner, concentrating on the way their hands fit together perfectly. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see a small smile on her face as she glances between him and whatever show they put on.

It's been almost three weeks of this. Of waking up together and enjoying slow, lazy kisses, neither of them wanting to get out of bed. Three weeks of small touches and glances throughout the workday to let the other one know they are there. Three weeks of going home together and enjoying each other's company and falling asleep in each other's arms.

On many days, Jay has to pinch himself because it still feels like a dream. How is it possible just a month ago, they were simply partners? How could it be that a month ago, he did not know the feel of her body against his or the way she kissed?

He is convinced that a month ago, he had never truly experienced life because being with Hailey Upton invigorates him in a way that he cannot explain.

He continues to play with their hands, resting their finger over the fuzzy blanket that covers the two of them on her couch. He is so lost in his trance he almost does not hear her when she says "I didn't talk to him."

He doesn't stop his motion when he glances up at her slightly. "What?"

She sighs and he feels her hand still in his. "My dad. When I went to the hospital. I didn't talk to him."

Jay nods, unsure of where she is going with this and why she is bringing this up now, after several weeks. After her father's stint in the hospital, Hailey's mother told her that the old man had been doing better. The topic of her father had not even been thought of in the past few weeks, but here she was, bringing it up after a long day of work.

"I didn't talk to him, but I told you I did."

"Okay." He says slowly, in almost a questioning tone.

"You're supposed to be mad at me." The way she says it, it sounds so simple. It causes him to turn on the couch slightly so he can see her better.

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"Because I lied." She tells him matter of factly.

He shakes his head and squeezes her hand. "Hails, I'm not mad at you."

Hailey looks away for a moment and when she looks at him again, Jay can see watery eyes. "We were together a day before I started lying to you." She gives a dry chuckle at the irony of her words. "You should be mad. Most people would be."

It takes everything in him to not reach out to her and pull her close to him. He wants to kiss the pain away, but something in his gut tells him that is not what she needs right now. So, he simply brushes a piece of hair out of her face, letting his fingers linger on her cheek for a moment.

"Can I tell you a secret?" He whispers and she gives him a silent nod. "I knew you lied."

She doesn't respond at first and he braces himself for the worst. A look of confusion and maybe relief grows on her face as she asks, "How?"

"I know you, Hailey." He explains. "I know when you're happy and when you're angry. I know that you love sleeping in and you hate having to work on Saturdays. I know that you love kicking in the door of a house because it makes you feel like a badass, but you hate having to chase a suspect." He pauses and his beating heart rests as he sees her lips form a small smile. "And I know when you are lying to me."

"So, why didn't you say anything?"

"I knew there was a reason you didn't tell me then. I trusted that you would tell me eventually."

He would be lying if he said that when those words initially fell out of her mouth that night, all those weeks ago, that some part of him was not hurt. He hoped that the new thing between them meant she would be ready to tell him about those parts of her life, but he understood that was not the way life worked. If he was having that conversation with any other person, he would have thought they did not trust him, but that was not the case with Hailey. He knew she trusted him. She trusted him every day with her life and she would follow him blind. So, when she lied all those weeks ago, he told himself that this time, he would follow her.

"It's not because I didn't trust you." She starts with a hesitant voice as she stares at their still intertwined hands. "Because I do. It's just...the stuff with me dad-"

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't-"

"I know." She cuts him off. "My brother called me this morning. He was asking if I saw him. He didn't even go to the hospital so I guess he wanted an update. It all just got me thinking."

Jay remains quiet, an unspoken request for her to continue. She tilts her head up to look at him, a sad look filling her blue eyes. "I don't like talking about it because it's messy. Even though I've done the work to heal and I'm damn proud of myself for what I've become despite him. It still just sucks, you know?"

He doesn't respond at first, because he doesn't know. He does not know what it is like to be hurt so deeply by someone who is supposed to protect you and have to figure out how to survive that pain. But, even though he does not know what she has been through, he knows her. He knows her strength and he knows that he loves her. That is more than enough for him to trust her whole-heartedly. So he gives her a reassuring nod to let her know he is there and he supports her.

"I wanted this for a long time." She tells him and he knows that she is referring to this new thing between them. "And I just didn't want him to mess this up for us. A lot of crap happened with my dad and some people just don't know how to deal with it. And we had just gotten together and things were going well and I just wasn't ready. So I lied."

It kills him a little, the idea that she was worried that bringing up her past with her dad would mess things up for them. Because while that could not be the furthest thing from the truth for him, it means, in some past relationship, this was an issue for her. He understands why she would be scared, though. He has his own demons too and he knows how they can affect relationships.

And after all the years the two of them waited, secretly wanting each other but having life consistently get in the way, it makes sense that she was scared to let him see the parts of herself she kept hidden.

Tenderly, he takes his hand that is not still wrapped in hers to cup her cheek. Jay wants her to look at him when he answers her. He needs her to see the seriousness in his eyes and needs her to know he means what he says.

"Hailey, I'm in this. I want you. All of you. The good, the bad. All of it. I want to know about your past. None of that is ever going to make me not want you."

Her blue eyes water with tears and he wipes away a teardrop with his thumb.

"But you can tell me whenever you're ready. Whether that's tomorrow or next year or when we're old and wrinkly. I'll follow you."

"Thank you" She whispers and they stay like that for a few moments, gazing at each other as he brushes away the stray tears that fall down her face. Only when he feels like she is ready, does he gently lift his arm and wrap it around her shoulder, bringing her close to him.

"Do you remember when my dad died?" He asks her after a few minutes of silence. She looks up at him, her face scrunched in a questioning manner, and nods.

"So you remember how I was just going through it? I was confused and angry and then I went and got myself shot?" He continues. "Remember what you did?"

"Hooked up with Adam?" She teases and he rolls his eyes, pinching her side playfully. When she quietly yelps and then laughs at his action, he smiles. He is happy she can laugh despite the heaviness of the conversation. It's just another little thing that he loves about her.

"I mean there's that." He nudges her. "But you stood by me. You didn't ask any questions and you didn't force me to talk about it. You just supported me. Because that's what we do."

She hums, as if processing the words he has spoken. It's true though, that their partnership is strong enough that it does not need words and explanations. He has seen it in the countless times that one of them has hit rock bottom-they do not need anything besides the other's support.

"So, that's what I'm going to do. Bad or good. I'm by your side."

"Do I have to get shot first?" Her voice is light and he knows this is her way of showing him that she is okay and she feels safe here with him.

"I'd prefer you not." To prove his point, he pulls her closer to him, causing a small laugh to escape her lips. Over the past few weeks, that laugh has quickly become his favorite sound and this laugh is no exception. He gently presses his lips to the side of her head, letting the kiss linger for a few seconds.

"Just making sure." She murmurs.

"I'm being serious, you know?" He knows that she knows this, but he can't help but ask.

"So am I." She quips back quickly. "Just because you want to go play cowboy so I'll be affectionate towards you doesn't mean I'm doing the same thing."

A laugh ripples through his belly and shakes his chest, causing her to move against him. The tears on her face have dried, but red eyes still remain. He is amazed by her ability to joke around with him mere moments after being so vulnerable. It feels like a testament to how far they have come.

"Thank you though." She whispers. "For having my back."

"Always." He squeezes her against him, reveling in the closeness between them. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He does not specify what it is, because he wants her to tell him only what she is comfortable talking about. Whether it's more about her father or the conversation she had with her brother or all those feelings she had back at the hospital three weeks ago, he does not care. He wants to know it all.

"No." Her voice is small. "Not right now." She pauses and he knows what she is saying. She is not ready yet. This conversation alone has been enough vulnerability for her and she needs time before she can go on. "One day though."

"Well, when that day comes, I'll be more than happy to listen."

Hailey smiles and tucks her head into the crook between his chin and shoulder. Silence falls over them, the soft static of the TV that is still playing coming back into his focus. He chooses to ignore it, rather listening to the sounds of his partner's breathing.

He does not know how long they sit there in silence, communicating with their touch what they both need to hear. It's the unspoken truth that they are both safe in the arms of the other and that they will forever have someone who is supporting them.

There is so much he does not know about his partner and it breaks his heart a bit because he knows she is carrying those demons on her own. But he knows her heart and he knows that for however long she will have him, he will get to keep learning new things about her.

Today, she is not ready and that is okay. Because he will be standing right by her side when she is.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated!
> 
> Follow me on tumblr @anniesardors for more fics or to freak out about all things upstead!


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